Saturday, November 04, 2006

Fear and Insecurity

I am proposing that we reconceive the dream. That we consider what would happen if security were not the point of our existence. That we find freedom, aliveness, and power not from what contains, locates or protects us but from what dissolves, reveals, and expands us.
Eve Ensler, Insecure at Last

I remember the first time I let go of fear. I was young, somewhere between 10 and 12. My mother and I had been visiting family in the U.S. and were on an airplane getting ready to land at Beirut airport. All of a sudden, I was overtaken with the thought that our plane was going to explode when we touched the ground. A typical pre-adolescent "what if..." with a little added drama due to the fact that I lived in a place where this "what if..." was remotely possible.

I remember wondering what it would be like to explode. I was afraid for a moment and then I realized that it was out of my control. If I died, I died and there was nothing I could do about that. This conclusion made me feel incredibly peaceful.

Obviously, the plane landed and nothing out of the ordinary happened; but I have never forgotten what I learned that day. Whenever I am afraid, I think of that plane trip. It helps me face my fears and move on despite them.

I've done incredible things when I've acknowledged my fears and kept going. I moved to the hot and dusty Texas/Mexico border, lived in a community of returned refugees deep in the mountains of Guatemala, applied for dream job that I did not feel qualified for -and I got it.

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