I interrupt my insistence on chronological order to tell you that I have reconnected with an old friend and it has been a wonderful experience. I have been harboring this deep guilt for losing some tiny little toy that I vowed never to lose. I can't even remember what the toy is. It all sounds so silly when you write it down.
Well, the toy is lost but thanks to a gregarious friend that I do not even remember being so, our friendship has been rekindled. Pascale is back in my life.
I had a wonderful afternoon with her. She is real and alive and has three beautiful children and a very handsome husband. We are from very different worlds but yet are not. She pushes me to remember things including moments I would rather not. Amy T. my dearest, yes I too chose to block things out. Pascale is my Margaret!
We had lunch at this very mod Lebanese restaurant in the ABC mall in Achrafieh. Very posh and not my usual type of haunt but the design and presentation was great, not to mention the food was yum. It is always good to leave comfort zones I feel.
I started the day wondering if I should change my ticket and the thought is still there. However, I have always been a risk taker and in this case, the risk is not that great. Pascale reminded me that I have lots of friends here and have safe places to stay and if things do get precarious before my departure, I will manage to be on my way very soon after the intended date.
These are my thoughts at this point at least. I have an opportunity to create a sense of continuity, a past that fuses into a present. I am around people that know me and sense parts of me that I have never verbalized. I owe it to myself and to those that I have contact with throughout my life in the future to explore this. It will make me a stronger person who understands the complexities of life. That is what we really live for, non?
Happy New Year! Happy Adha! I know that this will be a great year even if it is intense, trying, and deeply sad at times.