All day today people at work have asked me if I am still planning to go to Lebanon.
I say "Yes!"
I read the news and blogs and the more I read, the less I know.
It is difficult to assess a situation from the few headline topics that make it into the written press and the two minute soundbites that travel the airwaves.
Paris, Berlin accuse Damascus of orchestrating crisis in Beirut
Was This the First Casualty of Lebanon's New Civil War?
Lebanon Military Chief Says Army Can't Contain Mass Violence
Man Killed in 3rd Day of Beirut Antigovernment Protests
"Will there be a civil war?" is on everyone's minds, including mine.
I have no answers but people are continuing to go on with their daily lives with only a slight bit of disruption (at least for some, but not for others.)
Some of my readings get me excited to walk down Beirut's streets.
The walk downtown is about 30-40 minutes and there's no street in Beirut that isn't beautiful to walk down (body on the line.)
While others remind me that people want to live and are sick of war.
Living is NOT surviving. It is not merely finding a way to reach tomorrow. Living is having the possibility to dream, to hope, to create, and to excel! Yes, "badna n3ich", we do want to live (hopeful beirut.)
And even others give me insight into confessional power and imperial interests.
Nonetheless I have no answers, just a dizzying mind and a collective voice whispering "Don't leave" and "Come back."
I really want to come back after all these years and unless the airport closes, I will.
I know that people only mean well when they ask me about my upcoming trip and reference the current news headlines. They are trying to let me know that they care. And so, why am I a liitle annoyed by these questions? Is it displaced perturbance at the fact that its so hard to get "real news" and that I am forced to question what real news is anyway? Or is it more selfish as my trip is at jeapordy for a second time? Or am I just pure sick of mostly male politicians quibbling over power whether it be internally or externally? Can't I just kick a soda can and have it all be over?