Wednesday, July 11, 2007

I'm Home!

For good or for worse, I'm home!

One of my dear coworkers picked me up from the airport and dropped me off at home 10 minutes later.
Snuggled up with Maya in my arms for what I thought would be five minutes and ended up being an hour, awakening to a phone call from a former coworker asking how my trip was.
Went to work and caught up with all of my coworkers that I hold dear, sharing the books I found when I wandered into Elliott Bay Book Company for a delightful two hours.
It's the best bookstore I have found in Seattle so far.
So many international titles.
My coworkers could relate to my purchases: Audre Lorde's Zami, Zaatar Diva by Suheir Hammad, a book to help you practice Gandhi's philosophy, and a book on grassroots organizations making social change.
I love my coworkers.

It wasn't until after I left work and was wandering around the grocery store stocking up on staples that I got a little depressed.
Is this is what my life is about?
Wandering around grocery store aisles alone at 7:00 pm at night?
"Who I am is happiness," "Who I am is happiness," I said to myself as I tried to get the depressing interior monologue to cease.
Cuddling with my dearest always helps;
which is what I did when I got home.
Listened to A.'s son, an innate drum player, his father is an Afrobrazilian percussionist after all.

Later, stared at my bookshelves full of books and miscellaneous "supplies."

Journals dating all the way back to 1992.
New Orleans, Illinois, South Texas, Guatemala, New York City, Houston, and Washington State.
Oh yes, and a short excursion to Lebanon.

It's all there within these pages.

Why have I kept journals all of these years?
I have no idea.
What will I do with them all?
I have no idea.
This is who I am: Peace, Limitless Inspiration, Love, and Happiness.
And it is all recorded in a series of journals.


Myrthe said...

Hate to say this, dear Margaret, but you don't sound very convinced of your own mantra.

I have always wondered if one can force him/herself to be happy or think oneself happy and I tend to think (based on my own experience, I guess) that the answer is no.

Besides, have you thought about what it means to you, "being happy"? This is a question that for everyone has a different answer. Have you ever thought about your answer to that question? Thinking about that might help you live your mantra.

Hey, I guess I am just worried about you. :-)

Lacithecat said...

Welcome home my dear.

And there are many worse things to have your life about. Grocery shopping at 7 is not one of them.

Smile ...

margaret said...

Thanks for worrying about me. I was a little depressed when I got home yesterday. I usually do when I come back from Seattle. I fit in there and get to talk to people from all over the world and/or with similar creative and sociopolitical interests. That is part of the reason I love blogging, because I can share with kindred spirits all over the world. It's a hard call because I love my job and the people I work with. I basically can create whatever I want and get paid to do it. However, the environment can only handle so much of my energy...

margaret said...

Thanks for the reminder. There are worse things than feeling lonely in a grocery store. My post seems silly now. There is a war that has been going on since 2003 and also the people of my beloved second country wondering if there will be another war. Not to mention all of what those around my doorstep face such as no healthcare, no housing, domestic violence, poverty, un or underemployment, injustice, oh I could go on and on...