I have a little over a week before I have to go back to work and am beginning to stress myself out as to whether I am utilizing my time off as effectively as possible. I have been trying to write since I returned from Lebanon and have started many word documents on various themes and in various genres. This is my biggest frustration! I can't even decide if I should be writing a nonfiction essay, poems, or a short story. It always amazes me that the more importance I give a project, the harder it is to get it done. Let's not even mention giving it a form. At least I can say that I have chosen my medium, words. This is pretty amazing for me. I am getting closer.
Part of my issue is that I want to confront any nostalgia and romaticization that I feel about where I grew up. But every time I write, I feel that what I produce is just what I am trying desperately to avoid doing. Plus, I may be being a bit too methodical. I have gone through my journals and color coded all of the main themes and have been typing the best written moments into various word documents. I am feeling overwhelmed. One of my friends, hearing my frustration suggested that I take a three-hour minimum hike. It could be a walking meditation since I do not do well sitting still. Did I? No. I stared at the computer screen again and got nowhere. I am pitiful at balance.