Thursday, August 07, 2008

Writing Frustrations

I have a little over a week before I have to go back to work and am beginning to stress myself out as to whether I am utilizing my time off as effectively as possible. I have been trying to write since I returned from Lebanon and have started many word documents on various themes and in various genres. This is my biggest frustration! I can't even decide if I should be writing a nonfiction essay, poems, or a short story. It always amazes me that the more importance I give a project, the harder it is to get it done. Let's not even mention giving it a form. At least I can say that I have chosen my medium, words. This is pretty amazing for me. I am getting closer.

Part of my issue is that I want to confront any nostalgia and romaticization that I feel about where I grew up. But every time I write, I feel that what I produce is just what I am trying desperately to avoid doing. Plus, I may be being a bit too methodical. I have gone through my journals and color coded all of the main themes and have been typing the best written moments into various word documents. I am feeling overwhelmed. One of my friends, hearing my frustration suggested that I take a three-hour minimum hike. It could be a walking meditation since I do not do well sitting still. Did I? No. I stared at the computer screen again and got nowhere. I am pitiful at balance.

8 comments:

troro - the artists behind said...

I will be following your struggle to see how it will take shape. My suggestion is to start by eliminating all self-critique and self blockage... Just do, without any self judgement. I am fully aware of how difficult it is to put into words intimate experiences and emotions, but I am sure you will be able to do it!... courage.

glued blue glass said...

Thanks for stopping by!I am curious how you found my blog. I stopped by yours, and if I had known about the project when I was in Lebanon I would have enjoyed visiting.
Yes, eliminating self-critique is a good place to start for me. I'm full of it.

Sarah said...

Your long lost friend "Jade" has finally read all of your recent posts...

I recognize myself in a few of them. Namely, the queer post, as the friend who tried to get you out to the queer community more. You forgot to include one important fact: I am a single dyke in Spokane. Hear that fellow dyke readership? Margaret can hook you up with me number :)

But back to your blogging about being queer and being queer in Lebanon. Yes, I pressure you to go in the queer corners of Spokaloo, and part of this is that I feel isolated as a dyke in a straight work place and a conservative community. In addition, I am a SINGLE dyke who only seems to have ONLINE options for meeting women in this town.

But, you also said some things in your blog post about your anger regarding homophobia:

"I am angry because I have friends whose parents avoid the subject. Who leave the room when my friends try to talk about their loved one. I have friends who don't feel comfortable telling their family who they are and who they love and may even fear reprisal (Honour killings do happen). I have friends whose families lock them in their room forcing them to climb out of their windows to be with the persons they love."

Were you just talking about Lebanon? Because all of this happens here as well. Even the killings. Actually, that first part of that paragraph has been my experience in my family.

So upon reflection, I guess my desire to be around queer community isn't *only* because I am single and horny (as it turns out my sex drive has kicked into "adolescent boy gear" as of late). I think it also has to do with wanting to be around queers who are able, in the moment, whether in a bar, parade or cafe, to be proud to be who they are. This I want to affirm in myself and others.

My travels in SE Asia have inspired a similar yearning to seek out this community.....

Anyway, your pictures and experiences on your blog are wonderful, thank you.

xoxoxox
Sarah

glued blue glass said...

Jade aka Sarah,
Yes, you are right. Many of the issues that lesbians in Lebanon face happen in the U.S. and are in fact universal. However, I would argue that especially when it comes to death and physical injury we have laws even in this country to seek justice. Not so much in Lebanon, but in other Arab countries honor killings occur, meaning a father or brother kills their daughter or sister because her loving a woman has brought shame to the family and nothing happens! That's the end of it. In addition , we have laws in this country, the Violence Against Women Act made sure of this, to protect women who are abused including lesbians who are locked in their homes and at times physically abused because of whom they choose to love. This is not the case in Lebanon. In fact, this law does not exist in Lebanon for straight women either which is one of the reasons I think Kafa is such a great org. They are working on violence against women in Lebanon including legislation and their link can be found on the sidebar of my blog.
As far as the desire to find a partner, I am all ears and will be available to make sure they pass my muster :) But a warning, my dad occasionally reads this blog and now knows that you are horny.(Probably not, this is an older post. I doubt he goes back and keeps up on the comments.)
Much love,
GBG

Sarah said...

Madge,

I guess I don't really want your *dad* to know I am horny.

You are right on, there is much more legal recourse and protection here for gays and lesbians. Something not to take for granted.

Thanks for our walk today. I love you, I love our friendship! So much I can share with you...those little inklings that I have hardly articulated to myself about myself. Thanks for being patient in the process.

Sarah

glued blue glass said...

S,
I love our friendship too. Don't worry. I don't think that my dear white haired one looks at old posts :)
Love,
GBG

Anonymous said...

your dear white haired one and his wife do indeed look at all your posts, old and new. We have both always wished you happiness and peace. "Dad" loves you enormously and, like most loving dads, wants to protect you from sadness. It's okay to be horny; we were young once, too.
Your loving stepmother, Ricky

glued blue glass said...

So there you have it, Jade. My dad does read my old posts.
And Ricky, glad to hear from you. I hope you can take out the word "once" in your comment though. Now that it's out, we should all be embracing our horniness (within proper boundaries of course.)
Much love,
M