Glued Blue Glass

Dandelion Seeds

2009-06-12T19:50:00.000-07:00

I haven't written in a few weeks. That darn Facebook sure is a time sucker. Plus, I've been living and thinking. Lots of hard thinking.

I drove three hours each way to see Adrienne Rich a few weeks ago. I went with a woman that I have known for five years that at first I considered a young person that I indirectly worked with through my job and now see as a colleague and fellow feminist and literature enthusiast. She is walking and receiving her MFA in Creative Writing tomorrow.

Seeing Adrienne Rich was not what I had expected. I thought that she'd be tough and that I would feel totally inadequate as a lesbian and as a feminist. Like I hadn't done enough. Wasn't radical enough. That dreaded inner "enough." Instead I remember her calmness and appreciation for what is, all the while still challenging and questioning. I hope this is where I am at 80 years old.

My own questioning and challenging involved a temporary position that I sent on to as many people as possible. In this economy, I want to make sure people know about the few opportunities that exist. But, I couldn't just send that job description on and hit "delete." I reread it and sent out a little hint to the director that I thought it was a great position and would love it myself if only... To her credit, she responded and I will now be going back to another field that means the world to me, domestic violence work. Add an LGBTQ component and the fact that it is temporary and can therefore end when I start my PhD and the position is perfect! As if the stars aligned to make this opportunity appear for me. It's a drive away and I will need to spend a few nights away from my sweetheart but I already have friends willing to let me sleep on their futon until I figure this all out.

I am listening to my heart again. And there are wonderful people in this world that want to see a better world. I meet them every day.

These dandelions fit for me. They are considered obtrusive but they are really quite the opposite. They "nourish" as my neighbor said recently. The round globes of seeds have now dispersed for the year, settling into cracks in lawns. Some people will spray something on them next year when they flower. Then they will die. Other people will let them go to seed and spread once again. I love dandelions and can relate to them even though I still do not know quite why.

I am leaving an empty chair at work and that scares me. But my style has always been to make mutual decisions with those that I supervise and to share everything that is important for us to contribute as much as we can to the community. Whether or not I have been a model director, I don't know. I know that I have made a small contribution to the young people of my community and have followed a mission that believes that everyone has the right to make decisions for themselves. I stand true to that mission even as I prepare for my departure. Women need to make decisions for themselves and no government or ideology should stand in their way (Bless you Dr. Tiller.) I will continue to believe this as I prepare for my next challenge.

My Eyeball

2009-05-23T07:25:00.000-07:00

I had a strange dream last night. I was injecting liquid into my right eye with a small funnel. Part of the funnel was supposed to gently sit on top of the eyeball. I discovered that my funnel had pierced the surface. And so, I started to pull it out. This is when I learned that it actually had pierced through my entire eyeball. While in my numb dreamlike state, I heard sound effects as I pulled it out equal to those in a cheesy horror film. I then proceeded through my dream experiences with my one eye closed. No one really noticed that I had done anything to my eye and I was questioning the severity of my situation. I could still see out of the eye when I chose to but it ached.

May

2009-05-16T21:10:00.000-07:00

I am just plain happy that decent weather is finally here.

Procrastination Methods

2009-04-30T15:22:00.000-07:00

I am going to start sharing additional procrastination methods as a further procrastination strategy. It is my hope that in so doing I will get so bored with procrastinating that I will actually get to work!

1. Google the author of a book you have recently enjoyed, find his/her facebook page and write them a message. The book in question is the graphic novel Arab in America by Toufic El Rassi, a Beirut-born American. Excellent. Haven't heard back from Toufic yet :)

2. Take photographs of the dandelions in your lawn and get yourself totally pissed off that people would actually have the gall to poison their lawn and kill them. How sad for them and the dandelions. What is so awful about dandelions?

3. Besides checking facebook and updating my status way too many times a day, I have been working so I have no more procrastination ideas to share. I imagine there will be more to come. Or, if you the reader have any that you would like to share...

Political Consumption in a Bottle

2009-04-26T11:59:00.000-07:00

To continue with with my procrastination maneuvers, I am going to share the bottled water that I discovered yesterday. The company is Okanogan Highlands Bottling Company which sells bottled water with different labels on it so that your water consumption can have a political message to it. According to the website, the label and the owner, the water bottling company started in 1998 as a response to the cyanide leach gold mining that was taking place in Okanagon County in Northeast Washington State. The idea was that "water is more precious than gold." An extra twist is that after you consume the precious cyanide-free water that was actually bottled in Oregon not Washington, you can send a message in a bottle to your favorite representative in the other Washington, D.C. The website shows you step by step how you can drink your water down to the last drop, write a message, roll it up, put it inside the bottle, place stamps and mailing labels and send. According to the label, purchasing this water is POLITICAL ACTION. By buying bottled water you are helping ensure clean water, according to the branding.

Starting in 2003, consumers were also able participate in the peace process and send a personal bottled message to the President of the United States. The description of this product on the website is just beautiful:

Much care was taken in designing the Water for Peace label. We learned from developing the Water More Precious Than Gold label that words are powerful. Dr. Masaru Emoto of Japan describes in his book Messages From Water how water responds to that which surrounds it. By photographing the crystalline structure of frozen water, Dr. Emoto demonstrated how music, words, pictures, and intention actually changed the quality of the water inside the container. Positive words on the label create "high vibration water" within the bottle. We decided to create a totally positive, inspirational and beautiful water label to enhance the already delicious spring water we are using.

The "Si se puede!" water was launched in December of 2007 and supports reforming current "immoral immigration procedures." If the purchase is in Washington State, one dollar from each case of water will be donated to Washington Community Action Network (CAN!) Washington CAN!, a statewide, grassroots lobbying organization that works on immigration among other issues.

I am torn. I love the creativity and good intentions behind the water bottling effort. I also appreciate the call to political action through the letter writing. But as a friend on facebook explained, "There has got to be a better way to spread messages than selling cheap goods." I agree. I met the owner at the World Rhythm Festival and expressed my concerns. He said that he looked into using bottles made out of corn but that the corn used in these bottles was genetically modified. Sometimes he wonders if he should just give up. I shrugged. I didn't have an answer to that. He may be encouraging others to be more politically active, or not.

I have been asking myself how the political efforts of the Okanogan Highlands Bottling Company differ from the Ethos Water campaign. For each bottle of water purchased, Ethos Water, which is owned by Starbuck's, will donate $ 0.05 to their goal of providing $10 million in humanitarian water relief efforts throughout the world by 2010. What bugs me so much about the Ethos Water campaign is that the privatization of water is one of the reasons there are water shortages throughout the globe. Buying a commodity that should be available to all but has been privatized in order to provide water to those whose water has been usurped is hypocritical. Water is a right, not a commodity.

We live in a consumer culture and we all navigate within it. But marketing commodities as a means of creating political and social change makes me very uncomfortable. While the Okanogan Highlands Bottling Company may ask the consumer to write a letter after buying and drinking the water, the route is circuitous. Consumers don't need to buy bottled water to write a letter or donate money to Washington CAN. They may even be able to donate more than $1 per case. This type of consumption is passive and perhaps even cowardly. And I am not even discussing the waste. I will leave that to Chris Jordan:

Plastic Bottles, 200760x120" Depicts two million plastic beverage bottles, the number used in the US every five minutes.

Partial Zoom

Detail at Actual Size

Clicking Away

2009-04-26T11:23:00.000-07:00

I am in Seattle for the World Rhythm Festival. While I do not have any musical ability, my sweetie does. So while she drums, I have been trying to work on a paper. I say trying because I have managed to do everything but. It's been a really lousy few weeks and just getting away and being in a city for the weekend is so much fun. We took a bus ride to Ballard to have Oaxacan food and found myself clicking away. I often wander over to tiny red's blog and wonder why her images are so much more colorful than mine. I have decided that the urbanscape has something to do with it. My photos at home are beautiful in their own way. They usually suggest space and isolation with spare color just like the landscape.

The Visitor

2009-04-19T09:58:00.000-07:00

I saw The Visitor last night. It's a good movie, very sad. I'm still struggling with how it ended. It painted a realistic depiction of my country's flawed immigration policy. At first I thought the film was reaffirming U.S. exceptionalism, but now I think not. It got me questioning whether the U.S. is really such a wonderful place to live for immigrants as well as for those born here. A happy Statue of Liberty moment contrasts with a giant U.S. flag at the airport.

Further thoughts on the film posted a bit later in the day:

I can't get the main character, Walter, out of my head. He is a financially successful tenured white male professor at what appears to be a prestigious university in Connecticut. Walter has been in a funk for the past 20 years. He is forced to attend a conference on his supposed specialty, globalization and the "third world." Everyone at the conference looks just like him- a statement on who makes world economic policies. At first I resented the fact that the film focuses on Walter. Tarek has a much more important story, in my opinion. However, the more I think about it, it makes sense. Walter, like many in this country, are living in a numb stupor and are politically disconnected from others in the U.S. and in the rest of the world. Walter is the perfect metaphor for what many including Marita Sturken in Tourists of History: Memory, Kitsch and Consumerism from Oklahoma City to Ground Zero would call, apolitical and disengaged innocence. I'll have to write about Sturken's book at some other point. The book is excellent.

"Unedited"

2009-04-05T12:15:00.000-07:00

I haven't been doing any real writing on here in awhile. I am not even sure what my readership is anymore. My life has been wonderfully busy with my work, my class, my girlfriend, and my cats. I put the "wonderfully" in here, which surprises me, because I have also been a bit stressed trying to balance all of these aspects of my life, especially school. Jumping into a class with a bunch of PhD seekers has been challenging but also very energizing as, so far, I have been keeeping up!

This renewed sense of self may have had an influence on me and therefore may have indirectly contributed to the wonderful words that a coworker said to me the other day. She said that I have an "unedited voice." I was surprised because alot of editing occurs before I speak, including at (perhaps even, especially at) work. I called her on that fact and she acknowledged my very honest attempts at diplomacy. "Perhaps I should say "your brave voice, that will say what it believes no matter the consequences," she added. OK. I'll take that.

I hope that is true. There are days when I worry I have turned into the mainstream commodity consuming and paper pushing bureaucrat that I criticized during my youthful years.

I will keep speaking what some consider "unedited" and what for me is just what needs to be said. I also encourage you to do the same.

Way to Go!!

2009-04-04T09:09:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to Helem are in order for being the 2009 recipient of the Felipe de Souza Award given by the International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission (IGLHRC) for their work on LGBTI rights in Lebanon. Helem was the first LGBTI organization in the Middle East and they have been working hard to ensure human rights for LGBTI friends in Lebanon. Thanks Helem for your hard work and thanks IGLHRC for recognizing it!!!

Closed Zone

2009-03-29T10:34:00.000-07:00

The animator of Waltz with Bashir made this smart video Closed Zone with Gisha, the Legal Center for Feedom of Movement. It has been sent to me by friends on facebook and has also been posted on friends' websites. This last time I saw it at Modern Mitzvot. Just in case you haven't seen it, I thought I'd share. Now its time for me to get off the internet and read one hundred pages.

Letting it right in

2009-03-21T20:06:00.000-07:00

The weather has been improving over here in the Inland Northwest. I put my books down and decided to try a trail I hadn't experienced before. The part that I was on was an old railroad track. Not only was it flat, but it also ran alongside the highway. I still managed to take some photos. Instead of trying to keep "civilization" out though, I decided to let it right in.

Waltz with Bashir

2009-03-16T19:58:00.000-07:00

I finally got to see Waltz with Bashir last night. I don't think a film has ever made me cry so much before. Seeing that I left Lebanon a few months before the events on which the movie is based took place, the film is very personal to me. And, I had my own personal trauma that occurred right around that time too with my mother having a severe stroke our final weeks in Lebanon. So, it is a charged time and topic for me. As for many others, Israelis, Lebanese, Palestinians, and Americans alike.

The film is not for the faint hearted. It looks at the bloody massacres at the Sabra and Shatila Palestinian refugee camps head on. Blaming the Phalangists for this horror, as well they should, but not ridding the Israeli Defense Forces of complicity. I am almost positive that the narrator and main character, the film maker Ari Folman, called himself and others Nazis. From an Israeli whose parents were in Auschwitz, could there be words that are stronger?

This is how peace will be made possible in Israel and Palestine. When Israelis can stand up and show how the wars they have fought have affected them. When they say they will support no more. I just hope we don't have to wait another twenty years like Ari Folman has before remembering. I also hope that we all have the same amount of courage as Ari Folman and admit our own complicity to allow such genocide to continue in Lebanon and in Gaza.

For more information and historical background go to http://waltzwithbashir.com/film.html

My Prom Dress

2009-03-09T07:43:00.000-07:00

Here's a happier image after the barbed hula. I finally wore the dress I have wanted to wear for years to our community's ProChoice Prom. Apparently, garbage bags are 80's punk. I had no idea.

Barbed Hula

2009-02-26T20:41:00.000-08:00

I wish I had seen this show by the Israeli artist Sigalit Landau at the MOMA in NYC last year. This piece is particularly powerful.

Creating Beauty out of our Waste

2009-02-15T09:24:00.000-08:00

I am really loving Jean Shin's work. Once again, I am finding art that relates to my class on consumption. Thanks to dear ada for sharing.

I now need to finish reading Latinos, Inc.: The Marketing and Making of People by Arlene Davila. Hope you are having a wonderful day!

Cronies in the Boardroom Music Video

2009-02-09T21:58:00.000-08:00

After consuming my latest batch of readings on consumption, this made me laugh. I love the Reverend Billy's responses to this crazy world we live in.

Is Peace out of Reach?

2009-02-08T10:49:00.000-08:00

This was a part of last Sunday's 60 Minutes show which I finally was able to watch. It is incredible that such an honest protrayal of the situation in the West Bank was aired on mainstream TV. It clearly argues that a two state solution is no longer viable. Now, people have to wrap their thoughts around a one-state solution.

Please let CBS know how much you appreciate this unbiased journalism. They need to hear from people right now.

- You can email directly to 60m@cbsnews.com and to audsvcs@cbs.com to thank them for their courage and to encourage more of the same.

- You can register on the article page and send comments

- You can scroll to the bottom of the article and choose "Contact Us".

- You can write to them at

60 Minutes
524 West 57th St.
New York, NY
10019

- you can phone them at (212) 975-3247

This is what I wrote:

Thank you Bob Simon and all at CBS for airing the segment "Is Peace out of Reach?" last week. I don't think that most people in the United States had any idea about the complexity of the situation at this point due to the settlements. The more that I read, the more that I think that a one-state solution is the only viable one. A one-state solution where the country is a peaceful and just democracy for both Palestinians and Israelis alike. I would love to see more coverage regarding a one-state solution. This will start replacing the image that most Americans have of division and conflict in the region with one of compassion, understanding, and hope.

May there be peace in Palestine and Israel.

E. Pluribus Unum

2009-01-25T18:45:00.000-08:00

As my blog is about human idiocy as well as its amazing creativity, I thought Chris Jordan's work is especially fitting. He currently has a show at the Washington State University Museum of Art that I hope to see. This piece is E. Pluribus Unum and includes the name of one million organizations in the world that are dedicated to peace. With so many, don't you think we humans can get there? I hope so.

For more detail about this piece as well as his other works dealing mostly with consumption and waste, see his website.

Freedom Theatre

2009-01-19T19:27:00.000-08:00

Here is a wonderful example of art's transformative power.

Searching for Naomi Shihab Nye

2009-01-17T20:42:00.000-08:00

and this is what I found.

For Mohammed Zeid of Gaza, Age 15
by Naomi Shihab Nye

There is no stray bullet, sirs.
No bullet like a worried cat
crouching under a bush,
no half-hairless puppy
bullet dodging midnight streets.
The bullet could not be a pecan
plunking the tin roof, not hardly,
no fluff of pollen
on October's breath,
no humble pebble in the street.

So don't gentle it, please.

We live among stray thoughts,
tasks abandoned midstream.
Our fickle hearts are fat
with stray devotions, we feel at home
among bits and pieces,
all the wandering ways of words.

But this bullet had no innocence, did not
wish anyone well, you can't tell us otherwise
by naming it mildly, this bullet was never the friend
of life, should not be granted immunity
by soft saying - friendly fire, straying death-eye
why have we given the wrong weight to what we do?

Mohammed, Mohammed deserves the truth.
this bullet had no secret happy hopes,
it was not singing to itself with eyes closed
under the bridge.

2009-01-12T19:11:00.000-08:00

It is a bit early for me to post. Yesterday's was very important for me and I wanted it to simmer in people's minds and in my own more. I have been struggling with truly feeling what is going on in Gaza. For some reason, I feel like a factual account or sharing an article is going to impact people so much more than emotions. But I know better. I have lived through 8 years of the Bush Administration, 9/11, and now the "Yes We can Hope!" President-Elect after all. Emotions are key. The wedge, as a dear former professor of mine would say. In this case, the wedge is EMOTION. And so, I will share some of the outrage and expression that the world is feeling. It is pure in its raw sincerity.

From ei: World Demonstrates for Gaza Part 1 and Part 2

New Orleans, Caracas, Beirut, Bethlehem, Houston, Kansas City, Kuala Lumpur, NYC, Paris, and Seattle. There were so many more. People from all over our dear Earth have been showing their outrage and their humanity. Yes, they get it and they care.

And, I am saving the best for last. A Western song a dear new friend from Jordan sent to me. She is one of few Arabs in my part of the United States surrounded by rolling hills of wheat and misinformation. I share with her a deep sorrow.

We will not go down in Gaza tonight without a fight. That "we" includes you. Please, please respond. E-mail, write, shout, and if you need encouragement or direction just let me know... Our humanity is at stake.

Kulna Gaza

2009-01-11T14:11:00.000-08:00

I have been feeling so emotionally blank about what’s happening in Gaza. It’s been easier to read every article I can get my hands on as opposed to feel anything. I know it's how we survive when we don’t have control, creating emotional distance and analyzing the facts. But it's not facts that have allowed the ethnic cleansing and genocide to continue for so long. It is emotions. Predominately those of fear and anger.

The average Israeli citizen is afraid that they are going to be consumed by the "Arabs" that surround them. This is what their government tells them and why the majority of Israeli citizens allow their government to take more and more land from the Palestinian people in the form of settlements, to break agreements, and to kill over 800 people in the recent events in Gaza alone. And most U.S. citizens share this fear that the Arab "terrorists" are going to destroy the only people in the Arab World that look like them. Which is why we allow this genocide to continue.

And on the part of Palestinians such has Hamas, the emotion is anger. But they are not alone. It is an anger that I see when I go to protests and when I read progressive responses to the Palestinian/Israeli conflict. It is an understandable feeling that I have as well.

But I am beginning to realize that underneath all of my analytical readings and all of my anger, there is another emotion that I have been suppressing: grief. This is the emotion that I need to let out and that I encourage others to acknowledge and feel as well. We human beings are supposedly civilized and yet can let such atrocities occur for 60 years despite and in many ways because of the holocaust of World War II. Admitting this fills me with such a profound sadness.

The Palestinian/Israeli conflict is very personal to me. I have written many times of when I was 6 years old, my mother would drive me past Tel al-Zaatar refugee camp in Beirut to and from school. It was then that she first explained the conflict to me and it has stayed with me ever since. One of my greatest hopes is that a humane solution for all can be reached in my lifetime. Every day that this conflict continues, I grieve. Because Palestine is not just some far away place in conflict, it is us. We are a part of it, no matter where we are.

"We are all Gaza," "Kulna Gaza," was written on a protest display of coffins on Hamra Street in Beirut this past week. We are. And that is why we must grieve. Because a part of us is dying every day that this conflict continues. Every day that another child is killed and that another doctor cares for the wounded without adequate supplies we are losing one more piece of our own humanity.

Postscript 1/12/08: My father just read this post and thinks that I am remembering the Karantina Camp near the port. This makes sense, given that I am now recalling a taxi driver this summer pointing out the spot of Tel al-Zaatar further up the mountain from Beirut on the way to Ain Saade where two of my friends live. The Phalangists perpetrated massacres in both camps with Israeli blessings in 1976. They are prime real-estate now. Its all about resources.

The Truth about Gaza

2009-01-10T10:00:00.000-08:00

If you want to get beyond some of the popular Western misperceptions that exist regarding Gaza, this NY Times op-ed piece by Rashid Khalidi is a good place to start.

What to Put?

2009-01-07T19:08:00.001-08:00

There is a protest planned tomorrow. Awkward time- 4:00 pm when many are still at work. I have the privilege of leaving work and later returning. In return, nights are sometimes expected.
But tonight I have a sign to make. My declaration to my community about how I feel about the atrocities in Gaza and the perpetrators of these atrocities: Israel and myself through my tax dollars that are being spent on military aid to Israel and my country's unconditional support of a government that is creating a holocaust as horrible as the one perpetrated on some of its citizens.
What should I write on my sign? I could write a simple diatribe against Israel but I am sick of those. I want peace. I want a solution that makes everyone feel ownership, dignity, and an everyday life. There is a solution out there, perhaps the one state one. I must believe it. This is what I want on my sign. A lasting peace, longer than a cease-fire where all are included. Where Palestinians aren't forced to make inhumane concessions.
How can I put this on a sign?

Happy New Year

2009-01-06T19:34:00.000-08:00

The New Year has come and gone and I haven't posted. I've been a bit down about Gaza and trying to get myself out of a work funk. Thankfully, I think I have. Wish I could do more about Gaza. Did my letter writing and have been forwarding my articles. I feel so removed from it all. And during the day, I am so busy with work that I haven't been keeping up on my reading of each new atrocity that is being perpetrated upon the people of Gaza by the Israeli military. Plus I distracted myself by going to the shelter and getting a kitten. Her name is Asha. My post today includes pics of her and an appeal to support Mercy Corps through their petition and hopefully a donation to their humanitarian work. It's only dealing with the immediate emergency but right now, that is important.

Hull Cleaning

2008-12-29T03:03:00.000-08:00

Couldn't sleep. The current situation in Gaza is motivating me to remove some of the cynical stagnation off my hull. Wrote a quick e-mail to my representatives urging them to pressure Israel for an immediate end to the current violence. This is a short term solution that I recommend everyone do. I will write a longer letter later. Not sure what else to do right now. A friend sent me a link to the Global BDS Movement: Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions for Palestine. I also have started reading One Country: A Bold Proposal to End the Israeli-Palestinian Impasse by Ali Abunimah the cofounder of electronic intifada. He basically says that a two-state solution won't work. I just finished the chapter on Israel's broken agreements. Sad and overwhelming. But, that was Chapter Two. Proposed solutions will follow.

Art always sees me through these bouts of insomnia and paralysis. Enjoy.

Gaza

2008-12-27T12:16:00.001-08:00

My heart is with the people of Gaza right now.

A break from the holiday creativity

2008-12-27T10:43:00.001-08:00

Things aren't so hot in Gaza right now. If you care to learn more go to electronic intifada and Al Jazeera.

Stencil Madness

2008-12-25T10:38:00.000-08:00

E. and I stenciled t-shirts the other day. These are some random images from our fun. Some of the stencils and ideas are from Lotta Prints, some are from Stencils 101, and others are just our own!

Hoping this is a creative time for you as well,

GBG

Intriguing Images

2008-12-21T09:59:00.000-08:00

I found these unexpected photographs by Rune Guneriussen the other day. Seeing that I have been sharing lots of photos of lights these seemed apropos.

I also was intrigued by Jade Pegler's sculptures. Nothing like the photos above. I tried to copy a few photos into this post but wasn't able to. Sorry. Just follow the link.

I am feeling a need for more intriguing images in my life. If you are inspired by a visual artist, I'd love to learn more.

Holiday Materials

2008-12-17T21:22:00.000-08:00

Materials for celebrating this holiday season abound. And, to be a part of the celebration you do not have to participate in any amount of store gift buying. Not that I am advocating going all the way and making no purchases. I am always in awe of human creative potential and believe in supporting this creativity.

Our at home holiday expression is a mixture.

Garlands, fair trade and made from scraps, along with a locally handmade ornament.

Yes, we marched on Washington a few years back. But snowpeople will always melt peoples' hearts.

I could give two shits as long as it is E's that I melt.

Every vote counts.

Happy Holidays.

Experience whatever these two lines bring to mind.

En fin, tu ethos will save you.

According to the label of the Ethos Water container that I bought while trying to make sure that kids in my community get some of the information they need to succeed in their everyday futures.

We began with the simple idea: "Let's create a bottled water to help children around the world get clean water." We felt compelled to make a difference because more than one billion people lack clean water access, and the problem affects children most. Ethos Water donates 5 cents for every bottle sold toward humanitarian water programs. Our current goal is to invest $10 million in these programs by 2010. Already, we are helping children and their communities in Africa, Asia and Latin America. Thank you for joining us in our efforts.

Who created water disparity anyway?

Contrary to corporate belief, our salvation and those of others does not lie in purchasing a water bottle.

Happy Holidays.

Fa la la

2008-12-15T21:22:00.000-08:00

I've been struck with some holiday spirit. Got to make peace with this horridly cold weather I suppose...

Holiday Wreath

2008-12-13T15:01:00.000-08:00

I finished my wreath! Hope and fullness to all...

Bumminess be gone!

2008-12-13T10:08:00.000-08:00

E gave me a DVD of Persepolis for my b-day. We watched it last night as I worked on my holiday wreath (To be unveiled soon.) My favorite is the "Eye of the Tiger" scene. Such a wonderful way to get out of bumminess. I think I will watch it every time I get a little down.

Holiday Making

2008-12-08T23:00:00.000-08:00

I've been struck with the bug- the "making things" one. Not that I'm complaining. This may prevent reading burnout when it comes time to do nothing but reading and writing in a month's time. And the holidays are here. I've been avoiding getting too involved in holiday consumerism and am glad that my alternative is searching around the house and the internet for ways to celebrate without further contributing to our earth's destruction.

So far, this is what I have come up with: a handmade ornament that I bought for E. at a local gallery/bookstore that I love and our tree. The tree is made up of part of the ceramic bird bath that usually lives in the backyard and some pieces of driftwood from the banks of a local lake. My grandmother would be so proud.

She'd like the pink lights as well.

I still would also like to make some sort of garland and wreath. My idea is to be inspired by the artists' work below and make use of my abundance of recycled cloth and paper that too often lies undisturbed in containers. My birthday is this weekend and I thought I'd have my friends create little additions for the garland with hopes, wishes, and dreams. Then I can hang the garland up and send my friends positive thoughts for years. I will let my blog readers know if the idea actually becomes reality.

A fabric wreath by Lindamade.

Fabric garlands at Ambatalia, the Fabric Society.

Wake up to a snowy dream by making a snowstorm.

The last three are Sophie Cuvelier's creations. Yum.

My mantra this holiday season is

CeLebrate and

CREATE Wonder

for yourself and others.

Glimpses

2008-12-06T10:25:00.000-08:00

It's a cold winter Saturday. I need to do some chores out in the world but am enjoying a little internet immersion and sharing in the mean time.

I am liking the God's Eye that I made in Guatemala hanging in front of my westernized keffiyeh. They hang in my office/art making space.

Tiny Red inspired the clothing photos. She takes photos of just about everything that is visually interesting in her life. I always look forward to the glimpses of her outfits that she provides. Lots or red, polka dots, and bold lines. I bought this goofy skirt last year on a pricey whim. But, I do like to wear it this time of year and it sure beats those holiday sweatshirts and sweaters with sequined Christmas trees, santas, and snowmen on them. Sorry, I just don't like them. If you do, more power to you. I guess. I will wear my gingerbread skirt instead.

I like red and brown together sometimes. I was proud of this outfit, if you can't tell. My red seed beaded necklace that I rarely take off, my earrings from Guatemala that I don't take off, and my favorite button: THE REVOLUTION BEGINS HERE.

Another Cherrie Moraga Quote

2008-12-03T19:40:00.000-08:00

... And how will our lands be free when our bodies aren't?

Land remains the common ground for all radical action. But land is more than the rocks and trees, the animal and plant life that make up the territory of Aztlan or Navajo Nation or Maya Mesoamerica. For immigrant and native alike, land is also the factories where we work, the water our children drink, and the housing project where we live. For women, lesbians, and gay men, land is that physical mass called our bodies. Throughout las Americas, all these "lands" remain under occupation by an Anglo-centric, patriarchal, imperialist United States.

-Cherrie Moraga, The Last Generation

Life Choices

2008-11-30T14:30:00.000-08:00

I've been reading Cherrie Moraga's The Last Generation this weekend. The verse that follows made sense to me in my own life and goes well with the photos I posted in my last post.

After awhile it comes down to a question
of life choices not a choice between you/or her
this sea town/or that bruising city
but about putting one foot in front of the other
and ending up somewhere
that looks like home.

-From "En Route para Los Angeles" by Cherrie Moraga

A Grey Day

2008-11-28T14:28:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a wonderful day with loved ones and friends. Today, on the other hand, it is rather dreary outside. I learned recently that the day after Thanksgiving is called "Black Friday" by people in retail sales because it is the biggest shopping day of the year and just this one day can get retail establishments out of the "black" for the whole year. I don't know how I managed to go 40 years without hearing this term, but I have to say that it makes me proud that I hadn't.

To create a positive day out of this lack of sunshine, I was determined to take a walk and find beauty in the grey.

It even started snowing as I proceeded. These photos are what I came up with.

Enjoy your day!

Addendum: I have learned that being in the "black" is a good thing. It is being in the "red" that means being in a financial hole. Ah, the things one learns...

A Day of Thanks

2008-11-22T17:47:00.000-08:00

The United States holiday of Thanksgiving is soon approaching. The reason for this holiday that I learned as a child is not one that I want to celebrate. The pilgrims, or the colonizers, had a meal with the local inhabitants, the Native American "Indians", in order to show their gratitude for surviving a difficult year. Of course, the local inhabitants that the pilgrims shared this meal with and who helped them survive that difficult year were later killed, infected with disease, and sent off to reservations, but to this day Americans still celebrate. And despite my bleak introduction, I do too.

I love Thanksgiving because I love to cook and share food with folk. And so, for the last few years I have become quite the happy homemaker. I cook all day and invite anybody who wants to come by and share a meal. I have a few dishes that I usually make, often passed on from friends I have met along the way such as Lazaro's wild rice dressing with sausage, apples, and fennel. Other meal essentials are an apple cheesecake and a turkey. Turkeys are almost a requirement for this traditional meal.

This year I am thinking about making a turkey with some sort of mole sauce. Hence the above photo. It is a mole turkey from Epicurious. I may not follow the recipe exactly. I rarely do but as I experiment I will be reminded of another dear friend of mine, Petra. One of my favorite Thanksgivings was spent making and eating turkey enchiladas with mole sauce with her and her family.

I am so thankful for all of the moments that I have to share with my friends. And, I am thankful for you, my readers, too :)

A Scarf

2008-11-16T07:49:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I had tea with a wonderful woman from Jordan. I sought her out because she is in the graduate program I am considering and because she is Jordanian. Where I live, it is not every day that I get to be around folks from the Middle East, much less a country so close to my dear Lebanon!

Even though we just met, she gave me this beautiful scarf. "I didn't know if you wore scarves," she said, "but I see that you have one on now." Ever since I returned from Lebanon, I have worn a shawl sized scarf nearly every day.

I wore the shawl to our work holiday party last night and told everyone I talked to the story. Every time I wrap myself in it, I will be reminded of a part of the world that is often misunderstood in the West. I will also remind myself and others that there will be no real "hope" and "change" until everyone is a part of it, including the Palestinians and others in the Arab World that the West would rather forget.

Gay Marriage or Civil Unions for All?

2008-11-12T21:10:00.000-08:00

I need some input from any readers out there. There has been a post election flurry around the fact that while anti-choice political efforts failed in various states last week, gay rights had the opposite luck. To be specific, efforts to gain support for gay marriage have gone backwards rather than forwards. At the LGBT Film Festival in my town this past weekend, Equal Rights Washington was giving out stickers saying that the owner supported gay marriage. I couldn't take one.

It's not that I don't think that people, like myself, who love someone of the same gender should have the opportunity to make a formal commitment to one another. It's the institution of marriage itself. Do people really want to be part of a traditionally patriarchal and heterosexist system? Not me. I would rather have my union sanctioned by the state and if I choose to have a commitment ceremony in a religious institution, then so be it. But my benefits shouldn't be tied up in this.

All couples who want a civil union should be able to have one no matter their sexual orientation, race, gender, etc... In fact, civil unions should be the only official sanction the state provides for all, regardless of sexual orientation. And with a civil union should come all the benefits that traditionally come with marriage. Then, if you want to get married, go to your church or community of faith. Under these conditions if you then want to exclude others, you have the right to. No benefits are attached and so I could care less what you do.

He, he. Some could say that the "gays" want to deny marriage to "straight" people. Not really. But read it as you like. It's a paradigm shift that even gay rights groups have yet to embrace. We are stuck on the wrong word. Forget marriage, think civil unions for all!

Vandana Shiva Lecture

2008-11-05T21:09:00.001-08:00

I had planned to drive for at least one hour and a half each way this evening to hear a woman that I greatly admire, Vandana Shiva. The more I thought about it, however; the more I realized that my driving for so long and expanding my carbon footprint was in direct opposition to what she discusses. It is not a sustainable practice. On the other hand, the internet is a wonderful way of narrowing divides. Plus it isn't as environmentally negative (as far as I know) and I can cuddle on the couch with my sweetie while listening to Vandana Shiva speak.

This is long piece. 76 minutes to be exact. So make sure you are ready to sit down and watch it. In my opinion, she's worth it. I wouldn't bother posting it if I didn't think highly of her.

I tried to download the video and experienced technical difficulties, so here is the link. In case it works here's the video as well.

Breathe, Vote, and Hope

2008-11-03T16:59:00.000-08:00

Breathe. Tomorrow is the day that all of these attack ads will hopefully cease.
Hope, that this country will embrace a change.
Have you voted yet?

Voting , Reading, and Writing

2008-10-26T19:43:00.000-07:00

I know, I am rarely on here anymore. Even comments sit in pre-approval land for days before I notice them. I've been auditing that LGBTQ studies class which is taking up alot of my time. We are entering queer theory now and while I am a bit confused I am enjoying it. I have always found defining myself within a sexual identity and orientation limiting.

And yes, I have voted. It's quite the theme of Facebook pictures right now. At least among those of us that mail in our votes. This is quite common in Washington and has increased voter turn out. I haven't mailed mine in yet. There are a few resolutions and judges I need to read up on before doing so. And despite the fact that I am by no means an avid Democrat, a multi party system makes much more sense to me, I am casting my vote for Obama. I am not going to turn on the television on November 4. But I will go online first thing in the morning. Trying to convince someone, anyone to go listen to Vandana Shiva with me. What a wonderful way to end an anxiety producing day. Yes, its a 1 1/2 hour drive each way. But she's worth it in my opinion and if I find someone to accompany me, the conversation upon the return could be equally stimulating.

I went to visit an American Studies program down yonder. I felt so energized. I may be moving down to the Palouse where the program is for two days each week to take a class and to work from there. I actually may get a Ph.D. Taking it slowly though. Don't even know what I would write my dissertation on. I went down to the text book section of their bookstore. With a little effort, I convinced the manager that it was OK for me to go beyond the barriers and roam the shelves, starting in Accounting and ending in Women's Studies. I did come out with a book. The Heart of Whiteness by Robert Jensen.

It should be required reading for everyone who considers themselves white in the United States. Racism is the demise of my country. Unless we white folk truly look at ourselves in the mirror, our country is just plain fucked. This country is built on racism and oppression. Please read it after my eloquent introduction.

I have been working on one short story. Yes, just one. Met with my prof this weekend and finally realized that it is about a female friendship gone raw. Yes, I'm dense. Now I can make a list of others, including male friendships. Hmm, I see a binary here.

That's it for now.

Sexual Object Choice, Gender Roles and Identity

2008-10-13T22:05:00.000-07:00

I haven't been blogging for awhile because I have been spending all of my free time reading the book Same Sex: Debating the Ethics, Science, and Culture of Homosexuality for the class that I am auditing.

It's hard for me to know where to begin. I've been having so much fun with the reading and my head is whirling with ideas. I am even wanting to do the paper assignment even though, as I said, I am auditing the class. Perhaps it is lucky for me, and E., and all that are around me that I cannot even come up with a paper topic. I am too happy swimming around in concepts.

Three articles in the volume have particularly embedded themselves in my brain activity. They were all in the "Identity and History" section. In David M. Halperin's "Sex Before Sexuality: Pederasty, Politics, and Power in Classical Athens," not only did I learn that the word and concept of "homosexuality" wasn't invented until 1892 by Charles Gilbert Chaddock; but I also began my pondering about the relationship between power, social status, gender role, and sexual object choice. In Ancient Greece, a man of social standing could physically love another man as long as that other man was somehow inferior to him be it by being significantly younger (ie. a boy), of lower social status, or a slave. There was another "as long as." This man of power and social standing also had to be the recipient of "phallic pleasure" be it by penetrating the other person or by being the recipient of fellatio. In other words, he was the "active" and "male" gender role sexual partner as opposed to the "passive" and "female" sexual partner.

So, we are touching upon the source of my lens. No matter what I do or read, I tend to interpret and analyze it in terms of gender and economic power. I am besides myself with excitement. Here we have gender roles determining social status no matter what the sexual act is. As long as the "feminine," "without power" and "passive" are the other halves of the binary, men having sex with men was totally acceptable in Ancient Greece.

This acceptance also exhibited itself in George Chauncey's "Christian Brotherhood or Sexual Perversion?" In which the author researched court cases for charges of homosexuality that the Navy brought upon individuals in 1920 in Newport, Rhode Island. Once again, the only men who were charged with "sexual perversion" were the men that were taking on the feminine roles. The one exception to this was charges made against an Episcopal clergy member who argued that his ministerial duties led him to take on more "feminine" caring roles with young men. In this case, power, social status, and connections got the case dismissed.

"The Reproduction of Butch-Fem Roles: A Social Constructionist Approach" by Elizabeth Lapovsky Kennedy and Madeline Davis was by far my favorite. Oh, I am again realing. This text discusses how women who wanted to enter and participate in the patriarchal mainstream in the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries had to dress and act like men. George Sand and George Eliot are two perfect examples.

Women who acted manly in the exterior world and men who acted feminine were considered "sexual deviants" and "inverts." Whereas there was yet no word, concept, and categorization for "homosexuality" before 1892, the category of "sexual deviant" did exist. They were public categories, not private ones which involved one's choice of sexual partner and act.

The authors' research involves listening to the oral histories of members of the lesbian community in Buffalo in the 1930's through 60's. Gender roles were pretty fixed. You were either femme or butch. That was the limit of self-expression. Women who identified as lesbian were directed towards one or the other category. You could change, decide you were butch after a femme relationship, even though I doubt it often went the other way. There is too much privilege to gain from taking on male roles.

I struggled with how lesbians, fleeing heterosexist norms, could recreate them in their community. "Mirror," "ape" are other words. "Ape" has an appropriate level of judgement for a believer in not passing them.

But economics saved the day and made me remember that if women wanted to survive on their own during this period, there had better be a person playing a "male" role to bring in the money. "Femme" jobs such as secretaries and teachers were sure not going to support anyone. You could say that ecomomics led lesbians into tight prescribed roles, or exterior societal models, or a combination of both.

It was the butch who took the heat for being outwardly lesbian. The femme could always back track or stand behind her "man." And, it was the butch who made sure that her "femme" was satisfied. Even in "male" roles, a woman wants to ensure that her partner is satisfied!

I wrote this nearly a week ago and now have my father here visiting. I am going to post it with all its incompleteness and give the world a glimpse of my current brain activity.

Have a nice day.

This looks fun and happy

2008-10-04T11:17:00.000-07:00

The First Presidential Debate 2008

2008-09-28T09:01:00.000-07:00

I was in Seattle last week for a training, returning home on Friday. I happened to be in the Sea-Tac Airport during the First Presidential Debate 2008 and it was very hopeful to see so many people standing in front of the TV monitors watching it. If you missed the debate and prefer reading like me, the transcript can be found here. I am hoping that most Americans have the critical thinking skills to realize that Obama is the only choice. The debate was just further evidence. If you haven't registered to vote, you can do so here. And if you would like to volunteer for Obama's campaign, click here.

Orion Magazine

2008-09-19T07:36:00.000-07:00

Painting by Joy Garnett

I have not been feeling too well and have spent a good bit of the last twenty four hours in bed or curled up on the couch with a blanket, Maya, and the September/October 2008 issue of Orion Magazine.

I love this magazine because it takes a holistic approach to environmentalism by looking at social problems as well. It also includes great writing and visual arts. And, it fills me with possible solutions and hope which is not something I feel after listening to Democracy Now, for instance.

This issue includes a thoughtful essay by Terry Tempest Williams about her travels to Rwanda. I am in the middle of reading it and can say that Terry Tempest Williams has once again proved that she deserves the privilege of being one of my favorite writers. She is spiritual, mindful, respectful, and willing to walk into emotionally charged areas such as genocide.

There are so many good writers in this issue including Rebecca Solnit, Gretel Ehrlich, and Pico Iyer. I especially appreciated Pico Iyer's short response to climate change. His piece doesn't separate climate change from social issues such as the situation in Palestine. And he reminds us that transforming conflict and all forms of injustice must begin within ourselves. Here is a taste of the essay:

Our outer environment can only begin to be healed by our inner, and I’m not sure we can ever truly tend to our polluted waters, our shrinking forests, the madness we’ve loosed on the air until we begin to try to clean up the inner waters, and attend to the embattled wild spaces within us. Action without reflection is what got us into this mess in the first place, and the only answer is not action, but, first, clearer reflection. A peace treaty signed by men who are still territorial, jealous, or unquiet—Jerusalem tells me this—is not going to create any real peace at all. A commitment to the environment based only on what is outside of us forgets that the source of our problems—and solutions—is invisible, and that “nature” is a word we apply to what’s within as well as without.

BARACK OBAMA

2008-09-14T10:26:00.000-07:00

I have completely had it with the cynicism that people have expressed to me ever since Sarah Palin joined the race as Republican candidate for Vice President. I am sick of the e-mails with articles about how she is changing the race and the "I have more experience than Sarah Palin" groups on Facebook. People are actually beginning to lose hope that Obama will win. As far as I am concerned we progressives are feeding into a process of cynical criticism that we have been doing for over 8 years and it has to stop. The more time we talk about Palin, the more soundbites we contribute to her campaign and the less time we spend talking about a man who has the compassion to say that he too is the product of a teen pregnancy and that he will not judge.

This divisive banter has to stop and OBAMA knows it. That is why he doesn't contribute to it. Be proud Democrats. For the first time in a long while we have a candidate that we can believe in and that is changing the petty rhetoric of this political landscape. No matter if OBAMA wins or loses in November we will have shown the world that the United States can produce a diplomatic, respectful, compassionate, and real leader. And, yes, he's black. Embrace that too. If you worry that he can't win because of the color of his skin, you need to look at yourself and your own covert racism. I have just had it. I send out into the blogosphere the words that will help us be positive and forget all the cynical banter:

BARACK OBAMA will be our next president.

BARACK OBAMA

Writing

2008-09-10T22:54:00.000-07:00

This move has been all consuming. Both E. and I are hoping that we don't have to go about it again in a year. But we may have to. I don't know if its our age or the fact that we have just joined two separate living spaces into one that has made this move so much more taxing than any of those previous. And, I have done my share of moving. Trying to balance getting unpacked and settled with work, a sweetheart, and my need to create has been difficult.

Finally, last Monday I sat down and started writing. Well, looking at where I left off before the move would be more accurate. I did print off where I was with my short story assignment (I am still enrolled in an online creative writing class.) I took the very methodical approach of freewriting the story from a variety of narrative voices and settings. Now I am cutting and pasting them all into one. While the task meets my orderly, logical, and on the road to OCD approach to things, it lacks spontaneity and the writing I have produced from this technique has been just plain STIFF.

I gave up this evening in pure frustration. I want my writing to be fun even if I struggle with it from time to time or more realistically most of the time. I need to loosen up. Not expect perfection. Take some time to unpack boxes and get all of my photos on the wall. Read and read and read. Even though afterwards, I find that I want to emulate almost every voice I read. How much writing does a person have to do before they are actually any good? I know that there isn't any formula. It's all about a knack for writing in a way that makes sense to people and to yourself in a given time. And ego and drive to continue no matter what.

Experience the Divine

2008-09-10T20:12:00.000-07:00

The Happy Homemaker

2008-08-31T10:18:00.000-07:00

I must confess. I have a bad case of the happy homemaker. The worst of it is freaking out when empty beer bottles are left by the sink instead of in the recycling bin or when a half a bag of mini bagels needs to be put in the freezer to avoid mold. That, and the fact that I read "decorating on the cheap" magazines in the grocery store aisle. Recent finds that turned into purchases are 100 Decorations Ideas for under $100 and ReadyMade. Both Better Homes and Gardens magazines I come to find out. If this isn't proof of my affliction, I don't know what is.

I am so ready to take an adjustable curtain rod, a piece of red lace that I got at a pulga, "flea market," in South Texas and hide our garbage can and recycling. Or, use magnetic blackboard paint on SOMETHING.

In the meantime, I found a sturdy wooden chair for $15 at a garage sale (We needed some seating after the poop debacle.) The upholstery was less than appealing but after Maya snuggled on it and confirmed that she was not going to use it as her litter box, I shooed her off to clean and cover it. I covered the bottom with a fabric that I had from Guatemala that I would use to carry my clothes to the river, cover my desk, etc.. I used a keffiyeh I bought this summer at a tourist shop in Lebanon for the the top. The keffiyeh is a symbol of the Palestinian struggle even though they are usually black and white or red and white, not purple. I balanced the two fabrics with a morral, "bag," that I crocheted in Guatemala that I have converted into a pillow. It reads "paz" on one side and "junkulal" on the other -peace in Spanish and Kanjobal Maya.

At least my travel experiences influence my decorating. I am looking for some support for my current condition.

Peace Flags Abound

2008-08-27T19:57:00.000-07:00

I have been less of an internet junky of late because I went back to work and at the same time started moving both heavy and E.'s stuff. Now it really feels like we are moving with all the moments of stress when I see piles of everything that is not mine scattered on all available flat surfaces. For some reason, mess never seems as bad when it is yours.

Plus, Maya may appear well adjusted and happy as usual as her big green eyes and gregarious personality lead one to believe. Nevertheless, she has somehow come to the conclusion that the old used red couch that we bought from a friend should now serve as her litter box. I have awakened to poop and a not so savoury aroma every morning. She pees in her box and poops on the couch. Go figure.

In the mean time, Silver lives under the basement stairs and growls whenever Maya tries to befriend. Change can be challenging for most of us.

I am missing being creative. Yesterday, I tried to write who knows what great thought I had in one of my journals. I woke up curled over it instead. The weekend is near and I am beginning to see over all of our piles. There is hope.

My First Family

2008-08-26T21:31:00.000-07:00

I want this family in the White House. I didn't even hear Michelle Obama's speech last night. E. and I had gone out to eat and the image of Michelle and the two girls on the screen in the bar in the distance brought tears to my eyes. It's about time. That's all I can say.

Cover it with beads and glitter

2008-08-16T12:00:00.000-07:00

I was born in war.

Everything around me now is war.

War has always been.

I cannot remember a time when there was no war.

-Zena el Khalil

From the Kalashin' Series (A Test Run for Something Bigger To Come)Mixed media on wood and foam. each gun 100 x 50 cm. 2008

There is a side of me that scoffs at non-high art materials such as glitter, plastic beads, fake flowers, and doilies. "Oh this isn't real art," the critic in me says. But let's face it. I love and am drawn to these materials precisely because of their kitschy Easter Sunday dollar store quality. And when they say something that makes sense to me, I laugh loudly, cackle really, in a healing kind of way.

These mixed media pieces by Zena el Khalil make me even happier because they get at some of my raw unsanitized reactions to gender, politics and war.

"If men had no one watching them kill, they would stop just like little children do when no one reacts to their acting up."

"If only men would show their emotions."

"Its all about who has bigger balls."

"Women are stuck in their little Barbie doll outfits being virginal and nice wearing tight clothes, bikinis, and high heels."

Biftek (Beefsteak)Mixed media on wood. 25 x 25 cm. 2008

Men, Men, Men... Mixed media on wood. 25 x 25 cm. 2007

And The Girls Watch On... Mixed media on wood. 25 x 25 cm. 2007

I also like what I perceive as Zena el Khalil's vindication for my own creative obsessing:

In the beginning I was creating so that people would remember. But now, I have to be honest with myself; I am caught up in existential unrest and I find myself creating these images and forms because I cannot physically do anything else. It is no longer about right and wrong. It is not an intellectual debate. It is a creative offering I make to help maintain balance and order in the world around me.

Laugh a loud annoying laugh that cuts through stagnancy, both yours and others, shattering like glass.

Yahoo!

Randa Mirza

2008-08-13T20:07:00.000-07:00

It seems that I am perpetually playing catch up. I have been wanting to share Randa Mirza's photography for over a month now. The two black and whites were taken from Pigeon Rock which is an enormous rock off the coast of Beirut. The rocks on it and around the Beirut coastline are popular with fishermen, divers and swimmers. In terms of image, I love how much the men look like birds and this fact contrasts so nicely with what else I know about this area. I may have missed it, but I have never seen a woman fish, dive, or swim from these rocks. Even Randa Mirza says that it is through photography that she as a woman is able to share in this experience. The photos also bring class to the forefront. Most of those that can afford it go to the many beach clubs to swim instead of these dirty dangerous rocks. And, I have made a point to provide links on the photos so just click on them if you want to see the rest of the series.

The two color photographs from the series "Parallel Universes" make me laugh in a sick kind of way. She has superimposed tourist poses onto images of war.

In explaining the photos, the artist quotes Susan Sontag's Regarding the Pain of Others:

We view the horrors that take place throughout the world on a daily basis and our knowledge of what is happening in neighboring countries makes us responsible for our ignorance, our passivity and our indifference. And yet, our ultimate response is a floating feeling of total incapacity!

How can we live in a world where daily disasters are continuously broadcast? What responsibility do we bear for the availability of such knowledge? Do we enjoy observing the 'pain of others' from a position removed in time and space? What is being communicated and what is not being transmitted? Are armed conflicts a new source of entertainment? Why and how do the media participate in this paradox? And what is so exotic about war, anyway?

What I love most about these photos is that we consumers of images look and we see ourselves looking. It makes us have to really think about why we are looking, how we are looking , and what we are going to do about it. Because, as far as I am concerned we are all responsible.

I had been wondering, "What if?" What if we stopped watching and consuming these atrocities? What if there was no longer an audience for them would they cease to exist? I think about how much of the atrocities in the world we, and specifically I, pass over such as Darfur and Georgia to name only two. I realize that not showing these images and not letting the larger global community know about what is happening is not an option. I was seeking easy solutions to complicated situations. I too am overwhelmed and these photos remind me of this.

More for the Mix

2008-08-10T12:04:00.000-07:00

I haven't thrown this into the mix of things that I am doing during my time off, but E. and I are moving into a house together! Maya (above) and her cat (Silver) are joining us but that is another story. I am trying to pace myself with both the writing and the packing and when I get frustrated with one, I work on the other instead. Today is writing day.

One piece of wisdom that I heard in the last few days is that a writer has to accept that the story may not have the ending that she/he anticipated. The writer has to be willing for the characters to determine where the story should go. I wasn't yet willing to do this with any of my writings on Lebanon and so I am switching to another theme for awhile. I'll see how that goes.

And also, I have received quite a few e-mails from friends regarding my last two posts. One friend suggested The Creative Habit by Twyla Tharp. I haven't read it but it looks like it could be helpful to creative types who are going through a funk. He said it was much less fuffy than Julia Cameron's books. This made me laugh.

The Gift of Being Lazy

2008-08-08T10:08:00.000-07:00

I received this e-mail response to my last post. The author has a good point. Since it is about the creative process and production, I thought that I would share it. It is from L. Those of you who have been checking in on my blog may recognize her as the person that I dated for two months over a year ago and was quite smitten with. I don't know if I can follow her advice but I will logically consider it.

I read your blog post about writing last night. What immediately came up for me is the thought: can you be ok with yourself even if you don't "produce" something during your time off??? Why do you feel like you HAVE to write something? It sounded like if you didn't produce some writing you would think less of yourself. And I'm just wondering if you can give yourself the gift of being lazy?!?!?! :-) And that's not being lazy anyway.

Writing Frustrations

2008-08-07T11:11:00.000-07:00

I have a little over a week before I have to go back to work and am beginning to stress myself out as to whether I am utilizing my time off as effectively as possible. I have been trying to write since I returned from Lebanon and have started many word documents on various themes and in various genres. This is my biggest frustration! I can't even decide if I should be writing a nonfiction essay, poems, or a short story. It always amazes me that the more importance I give a project, the harder it is to get it done. Let's not even mention giving it a form. At least I can say that I have chosen my medium, words. This is pretty amazing for me. I am getting closer.

Part of my issue is that I want to confront any nostalgia and romaticization that I feel about where I grew up. But every time I write, I feel that what I produce is just what I am trying desperately to avoid doing. Plus, I may be being a bit too methodical. I have gone through my journals and color coded all of the main themes and have been typing the best written moments into various word documents. I am feeling overwhelmed. One of my friends, hearing my frustration suggested that I take a three-hour minimum hike. It could be a walking meditation since I do not do well sitting still. Did I? No. I stared at the computer screen again and got nowhere. I am pitiful at balance.

Miscellaneous Images That I Like

2008-08-06T15:20:00.000-07:00

Pink and polka dots
along with neon green

reinforced concrete, rebar
and shattered anything come to mind

Add barbed wire
some sleek and gnarly line

a bit of overgrown green
perhaps a little magenta

and you have
Perfection.

Gemayze

2008-08-05T17:02:00.000-07:00

Gemayze is a neighborhood just east of Downtown Beirut. After around 9:00 pm on almost every night of the week, the street is crowded with people enjoying the many bars and restaurants with friends. During the day, it is quieter and more conducive to exploring its visual treats.

Randy Pausch Last Lecture: Achieving Your Childhood Dreams

2008-08-03T08:42:00.000-07:00

One of my classmates in Lebanon had this video on his facebook page. Since I have a little time and needed some inspiration, I watched the whole thing. It's an hour and 16 minutes long but is well worth watching, in my humble opinion. I sent it to a few of my friends and one has raved about it. The most powerful line for me is when Randy Pausch tells us that brick walls are not there to stop us from achieving our dreams. They are just there to stop all of the people who don't want the dream bad enough!

Being Queer in Lebanon

2008-07-30T20:15:00.000-07:00

This graffiti was in Gemayze, an area of Beirut with many restaurants and nightclubs that are frequented late into the night. It is also the home of beautiful old buildings that you can appreciate if you take a walk to see them during the day. I have been waiting to share this photo with this post. I find the image of stiffled voices fitting.

I am not Lebanese, but I am a lesbian and I just came back from visiting Lebanon. I therefore have an opinion about this. Being queer in Lebanon is tiring. I found myself wanting to shout out the word QUEER! This is because I rarely heard it mentioned. I sparsely heard any of the words that make up LGBTIQQ, actually.

In the States, one of my friends always wants to get together and hang out with other lesbians. She also tries to get me to go to gay bars. I honestly don't see the need. I surround myself with open people, so who cares if they are queer or straight. This was not the case in Lebanon. I was keenly aware of everything queer.

I made one friend who is also a lesbian. This and the fact that we had a good list of things in common made us friends. We even went to a gay bar together. A cafe/bar, really. My gaydar was on the lookout, but to no avail. I think a few of the waiters might have been and I know that the owners are, but that is as far as it goes. And, I am not going to post the name of the bar, just to be on the safe side. That's how paranoid you get in Lebanon. Nevertheless, according to my sources, this is one of the few places in town where you can hold your girlfriend's hand without being greeted with stares.

I was able to attend a reading of an amazing author, Rabih Alamedinne, when I was in Lebanon. I have just finished reading his Koolaids and have been planning a short review of it. He is gay and Lebanese, by the way, and so are some of his characters. It is so refreshing. He read from his new book, The Hakawati, and I was surprised that he did not directly mention gay issues in his talk. Seeing that I was in push mode, I did. Then, he used the word "sexuality," and even "fuck" a bit later but that was all. He did say that he was no longer as angry as he was when he wrote Koolaids. Perhaps Alamedinne has gotten to where he is smilingly comfortable as Arab presses buy the rights to his books and then decide they can't publish them in Arabic after reading them. He is pushing buttons, but making a living all the same :)

I, on the other hand, am angry. So angry that I made whatever trivial points I could. I even had my mother marrying a woman in our on the board writing assignments in Arabic class. One of my teachers tried to correct me. Your mother cannot marry a "zouja," you must mean "zouj." When I assured her that I had put the feminine signifying ta marbouta there on purpose, she let it go. I know I baffled her, which was my point.

Why am I angry?

I am angry because I have friends whose parents avoid the subject. Who leave the room when my friends try to talk about their loved one. I have friends who don't feel comfortable telling their family who they are and who they love and may even fear reprisal (Honour killings do happen). I have friends whose families lock them in their room forcing them to climb out of their windows to be with the persons they love.

When I was thinking of leaving Lebanon, a friend of mine wrote this in an e-mail: I love my life in the U.S. too much to be able to live in Lebanon. Take "U.S." out of this, and it is an even more striking statement.

In other words, I love my life. I want to live my life without having to avoid topics or jump out of windows.

More questions and statements that I have heard:

We need to find you a good husband. (You can find me a wife if you want.) The friend who responded this way is wonderfully bold.

Why is your hair so short? You would look so much more feminine if you let it grow long.

Mommy, why isn't Margaret married? (Because people should get married when and only when they find someone they love.) That was a hetero Lebanese friend of mine's response to a question that her 5-year old daughter asked. Bless both of their hearts.

However, there is one place in Lebanon where women can love whomever they choose. If you are in search of a space in Lebanon where you can be yourself as a queer person, I recommend MEEM. The group was young and oozing with energy. Their location is secret and I plan to do my part to keep it that way. I was honored to go there and meet these incredible young women. One woman in particular struck me. When I first met her, she was wearing a veil. I left the room and came back, introducing myself to a young woman in a boy's shirt and shorts. She looked vaguely familiar. Of course, it was the woman in the veil whom I had met earlier but I can be a bit dense. We talked about how her sister was up on the latest veil fashions while she threw on whatever was available. The clothes she had on underneath were her baby brother's.

Most of the members of the family, even those who shun you, are decent people. They just never had to face someone with your courage. -Rabih Alamedinne, Koolaids

A week or so later, I was in a swankily shiny mall in East Beirut feeling super frumpy and not fitting in. After a high heeled shoe buying experience, (I don't wear high heels), I couldn't hold it anymore and went in search of a restroom with a straight friend of a friend. I recognized one of the Meem women in the bathroom. Ah, let there be light. A short dyed punky kind of hair light. For confidentiality purposes, I wasn't sure I should say anything but she smiled and so I said "Hi" while dashing to the stall, my friend's friend behind me.

But there was a tinge of uncomfortableness in me. I want the world to know who I am but at the same time, I am under the illusion that I can assexually maneuver through this Lebanese landscape. As Alamedinne puts it in Koolaids, "He [I] wasn't ready for his [my] two worlds to meet." And yet, I was proud to know the one spikey haired boundary pushing queer in the mall. I'm a contradiction.

I will end this post with two short videos created by the incredible Meem Team. Be inspired and love whomever you damned well please in the process.

Where Glued Blue Glass is Right Now

2008-07-29T12:36:00.000-07:00

I have a confession to make. I got back to the U.S. the other day. It was a very long trip home that took over 24 hours but facilitated an arrival in the same day. Time travel. Then I slept for two days. I felt like Sleeping Beauty. I'd wake up for a little while and then my head would get heavy, my thoughts fuzzy, and I would fall back asleep with Maya, my kitty, by my side.

I had taken two months off from work because I was burnt out and needed a break. Travel is always a great way for me to gain perspective. And so, because I could, I planned for and eventually embarked on a not so cheap adventure.

I have always wanted to learn Arabic and have been a little pissed at myself that I don't speak and read it. I have a foundation. And it comes easier to me. I don't even struggle much with pronunciation. I have also always wanted to learn a language that is indigenous to the Americas, and I haven't accomplished that dream either. Not yet at least. I am digressing.

And, I wanted to go back to Lebanon. Last trip was mostly about making the country tangible again. This one was about creating or rediscovering, whichever is really the case, my connection to the country.

Unclogging my burnout, studying Arabic, and creating connection proved to be alot to take on. Studying Arabic was taking up all of my time and I was loving it but wasn't working on the other two components, and mostly not getting the rest that I needed. I learned alot about myself. I cannot, no matter how hard I try, not do my homework and feel OK about it. I need to work my ass off no matter what even if it means sacrificing right brain creativity and health. Which is why I needed the break from work to begin with.

I also learned that I have this Protestant work ethic that makes it very difficult for me to accept unstructured time off. Which is why I decided to take the course anyway. Plus, what better way to create, establish, rediscover,... connection than through language. Right?

Because I wasn't getting the rest I really needed, I decided to come home early to be with my two sweeties Maya and E. and spend the remaining month resting and creating. Did I say that I also wanted to work on my writing during these two months?

This is my new struggle. The Protestant work ethic is in true form right now. I am staying at E's because my deck is in pieces. Another story. She works and I feel guilty that I have time off. I've been reading and writing but have not been patient with the writing at all. I WANT IT OUT NOW. But, I don't even know what form I want it to take. Right now I am trying to force a poem about nostalgia and my romaticizing Lebanon. Just the fact that I can tell you exactly what I want the poem to be about tells me that a poem may not be the right form for it.

Breathe.

The other day, at the Rafic Hariri Airport in Beirut, I stood in two lines that were a half hour each. Some people, with "connections," were being escorted to the front of the line. The man behind me was fuming in Arabic. I told myself to breathe.

Which is what I will try to do now.

Blogging will be my balance. And, yes, now that I can post photos without AUB security, I will be regularly writing and posting photos about my trip and my current creative frustrations. Don't worry.

Soap kills

2008-07-27T08:22:00.000-07:00

You may have noticed from my last post that I now have the ability to post photos, and videos. Some of my friends have been asking me about the music I have been discovering in Lebanon. Soap kills tops the list.

A few of their songs are on the soundtrack of the movie A Perfect Day, which I mentioned in a previous post.

Now that I have video posting capabilities, I can also include the trailer.

If you are in Lebanon, I want to recommend CDteque. It is thanks to them that I have been discovering new music. They let me listen to anything that I wanted to before buying, plus they have great photo books for sale as well.

Downtown Beirut

2008-07-21T00:59:00.000-07:00

Once through security, beautiful new buildings simulate old ones. Shiny objects adorn store windows. The fewer the items inside, the more expensive they are priced. A Rolex clock towers over the Place de l'Etoile. It is pretty quiet whenever I have been here. But then again, I seem to come when the hot sun is the strongest and not in the evening or night.

This is the first time that I have ever been able to walk around this area so freely. When I was a child, this whole area had been a bullet ridden ghost town. And in 2006/2007, Place Des Martyrs was filled with tents.

It is empty now with only a few signs of the current political situation, one of which is the Haagen Dazs Doha Agreement cone.

Calm, peaceful, and perfect for the new Lebanese lifestyle. At least that is what Solidere would like us to believe. GENTRIFICATION Lebanese style. Planned Communities. Why the hell didn’t I ask about the vacancy rate? My smart cookie suitemate, asked who the investors were. Private investors that remained unnamed.

Another classmate asked why the Normandy area wasn’t going to be turned into a beach. My heart churned. The Normandy area. Did Solidere give it this name? This is where the mountains of garbage rose above the sea. It pulled at my memories and my emotions.

No. No beach, please.

It took me a while to work through my feelings. It was the first day of my period and that was contributing to my zigzagged emotions. There was no memory of all of those that died. No reminder of what this area looked like during the war. Erased. That does not seem healthy. There are reminders of the Roman Baths, why not the civil war? And what was it like before the war? Were the souks more inclusive of all classes? While there is an attempt to include and acknowledge religions, class seems yet again to be swept aside.

After wandering around Solidere's website, I did discover that they are planning a Garden of Forgiveness. It could be just me, but it seems very sterile. I hope to write more about this, but this trip has gotten me wondering if I am the only one who is holding on. The Lebanese have moved on, but I haven't. I am stuck in memory quicksand.

The last time I was in Beirut I took a walk to Martyrs’ Square.
Martyrs’ Square has been renamed Democracy Square.
Forgive me if I can’t join in with the buoyancy.
But I feel unrepresented.
A red and white Virgin Megastore in the background blends in with a sea of red and white flags in the foreground.
It provides a seamless visual continuum I’m afraid of.
They’re waiting for world peace to break out in Lebanon.
I reckon it’s too late for that.

Zeina B. Ghandour

Memory quicksand or not, I take solace in the fact that Zeina Ghandour also has mixed feelings. I took some photos of the Virgin Megastore for her. The crane is also fitting. No series of Beirut photos is complete without at least one.

2008-07-13T12:13:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't been on here in awhile. I have been a bit frustrated because I haven't been able to upload pictures. Plus, I've been a bit homesick.
I'll be back soon.

Cultures of Resistance

2008-07-08T11:37:00.000-07:00

For a few minutes I actually thought that I was going to be able to upload photos. I am so behind on my posts. In the mean time, which will hopefully not be forever, enjoy the following links. I learned about Cultures of Resistance the other day. Their mission statement makes so much sense to me:

Worldwide, people from all walks of life are finding creative ways to oppose war and promote peace, justice, and sustainability. Culture, including film, music and food, is fertile terrain for this struggle. Education that nourishes a critical mind and fortifies the soul is just as essential. CULTURES OF RESISTANCE was established to identify and support international and diverse initiatives that embody these values, and to fortify an international network of activists and agitators, educators and artists, insurgent musicians, guerilla filmmakers, vanguard gardeners and gourmands.

They also have a blog that celebrates "creativity in resistance." The current post links to a Newsweek article about a new comic book series designed to give another perspective to "angry, impressionable young people that fit the “accepted” terrorist profile." Worth checking out.

A Perfect Day

2008-07-08T06:25:00.000-07:00

I just saw a really interesting movie about Lebanon. The English title is A Perfect Day. The main character's father was one of the 17,000 Lebanese that disappeared during the civil war. After 15 years, Malek and his mother go to sign papers to declare him legally dead. We stood outside discussing it after class and came to the conclusion that the movie is about frustration and works well as an allegory for the political reality in Lebanon. I thought it was quite thought provoking.

Sorry, still no photos. I'm a bit frustrated about this fact. Internet security here appears to be so tight that it is very difficult to upload photos during waking hours.

My First Typed Words

2008-07-03T21:19:00.000-07:00

انا ادرس اللغة العربية فصها. احب الدرس اللغات وادابهم

This is my first attempt at using the Arabic keyboard. I am missing a period but I can't seem to add one on blogger for some reason. Anyway, my amazing sentence says:

I am studying the Arabic language "Fusha/Modern Standard". I like the study of languages and their literatures.

Cell Phones

2008-07-02T12:46:00.000-07:00

I still can't post photos. Well, hopefully they will be worth the wait. Instead I will tell you about cell phones. I have been resisting the urge to get one. I am enjoying the fact that I am not super easy to reach right now. Well, somewhat so. I am very e-mailable and skype and I are close. But I draw the limit with cell phones. I have been using a "telecarte" for local calls and my one Lebanese friend that calls has to leave me messages. She is as attached to her cell phone as I can get at home in the U.S.. I know she wishes that I would get one. But, this trip is extravagent enough for me and so different from my other bare bones mindful traveler trips. I just can't get myself to look into getting a local SIM card. Somehow, I feel a cell phone will affect my ability to be present. Ah, silly me. Perhaps cell phones are the present.

2008-07-01T12:36:00.000-07:00

I am a little burned out with studying. I hate to say this since it hasn't even been a week since I have been in classes yet. Plus, I prepared for this trip for months. I knew that I was going to spend alot of my time studying. I want to learn the language. I just also want to make sure that I take advantage of this time away from work. Refresh myself, not burn myself further. In addition to learning Arabic, I want to write, explore, read, and reflect. I want to be able to walk through a place and say, "I went to school here," "I fell off my bike here," " My parents and I went to eat here,"... Plus, I want to rid myself of any exoticised memories that I may have. I want to see as much as I can as clearly as possible. I will have to give up being a perfect student to accomplish this. This is a good exercise for me.

Lebanese Vibes

2008-07-01T11:16:00.000-07:00

One of my schoolmates is reading Robert Fisk’s Pity the Nation. I told her I had tried reading it but have never gotten very far. The truth is, I don’t want to spend my valuable free time reading 700 pages of one violent male exploit after another. She looked at me with a quizzical look. She couldn't understand.

One of my dear friends who lives here in Lebanon stays away from politics. She says that I know more about the political situation than she does. I don't blame her one bit. The Daily Star said it well in their headline today, Lebanese Parties Find New Ways to Argue Old Disputes. I am not even going to bother reading the article unless I want to analyse the rhetoric of getting nowhere.

My suitemate is a journalist. There are many in the program. Story stealers I call them. That's why they are all here learning Arabic. Being here and/or learning the language may help them get a story. I told my suitemate how I felt about journalists, that they only report on the negative and rarely on the postive. What would happen if journalism used a strengths-based perspective and reported on something like the Al Najdeh Association instead? She is very empathetic and saw my point.

I asked my dear childhood friend what she thought would happen if we just stopped reading about their idiocy. Are political leaders like children, do they seek attention by misbehaving? If we stop giving them attention, will the violence stop? She thought that I was being silly.

I was talking to another woman today who has spent a good part of her life dreaming of returning to Lebanon. Now after the May conflict, she no longer wants to return.

There are probably more Lebanese living outside the country than in it. I'm not sure that they could all fit in the country if they visited at the same time.

An article I just saw in L'Orient-Le Jour discusses male infertility due to the trauma of war.

A woman at the beach helped me with my homework this weekend. "Why can't men say they love you?" she asked.
"Maybe for the same reason that you told me that you don't plan too far in advance," I answered.

Cynicism. It is very much alive here.

Cats at AUB

2008-06-30T09:49:00.001-07:00

Yahoo! I'm able to post. I have loads of homework again but I had to post these since I could.

The story goes that the Biology Department used to dissect the cats that lived on campus. But, the current university president is a cat lover and put an end to this practice. Now, all the cats are neutered and spade and are given shots as well. They are everywhere. It's hard to walk anywhere on campus without seeing at least one, if not two or three.

A woman goes around somewhere around 5:00 am and feeds them. I wouldn't mind getting up early and meeting her. I have also heard that cat support costs the university $150,000 a year. I want to find out if there is a way to donate to this cause. You might feel that this is frivolous when there are so many humans who are in need of assistance such as the people of Nahr el Bared for instance. You are correct. But for me, seeing the cats makes me happy. Here is a safe place for them in a world that is often hostile to them. It gives me hope. What other livable refuges can we create for each other?

Oh, who does this darling below look like?

And my laundry detergent. I'm a bit obssessed.

American University of Beirut

2008-06-28T22:10:00.000-07:00

Finally, I can upload a few photos. I'm days behind. Here are a few from AUB. I still want to post cat photos, textures, and photos from my walk downtown.

Words

2008-06-28T12:24:00.000-07:00

Some are just heard and understood within a string of others. Years have passed but they are familiar. I pick them out of the ephemeral air. They run around when I am trying to sleep. Shoo badek? Maaleish. Then they dissappear. Aimiye is what I am remembering even though I never knew that was what it was called. I am enjoying this instinctive learning. Trying not to analyse or dissect. I'm just appreciating the connection to this world and to myself.

2008-06-28T05:24:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to post photos for two days now but have been having trouble. Please be patient.

Buried Language

2008-06-26T09:21:00.000-07:00

Homework for Friday 27, 2008 الواجبات ليوم الجمعة 27 حزيران 2008
From your textbook: Al-Kitaab fii Tacallum al-cArabiyya
12 ،11 ،10 ، 1) دراسة القواعد صفحة 7
Study Grammar P. 7, 10, 11 and 12
12 ، 10 ، (part A from the exercise) 2) آتابة تمارين 8
Write exercises 8A , 10 and 12
Memorize today’s vocabulary list (3
Write 5 sentences using “this” in both masculine and feminine (4

It's after 7:00 pm and I haven't started. We had classes from 8:30 to 3:30 today and I needed to clear my mind after.

I had a huge smile on my face nearly the whole day. I went in with only what my brain could pull out from over twenty years in storage. I could put words together pretty well thanks to all of those word drills at MarDoumet where I went to school as a child. I could also understand almost everything. I just couldn't speak. When I couldn't understand something, I got obssessed with saying "Ma maana ...?" "What does ... mean?" And was probably annoyingly hyper. Many who know me are very aware of this character trait.

No photos today even though there are many more to come. I have themes developing: AUB, cats, textures, architecture,...

Maa Salama

Greenness

2008-06-25T08:32:00.000-07:00

So, these are my attempts to show you how green the campus is. Except that I concentrated on detail as usual. Notice the amazing banyan tree. Oh and FYI, I learned that the beach is indeed open. One just has to go during the day and not after 6:oo which is when I went. Considered going today but chose coolness instead.

I've Arrived

2008-06-25T02:04:00.000-07:00

I'm not really sure where to begin. Not much to report yet. I spent yesterday sorting out my internet connection, having lunch with an old friend, and sleeping.

We had our Arabic placement exams and I will find out my language level this afternoon. I don't like fumbling with languages. I'm such an over achiever that I wish that I could say I spoke Arabic already.

I like the AUB campus. Its an idyllic academic environment with trees, visually stimulating architecture, and a sea view. I have already taken lots of pictures and will organize them by theme. I'm behind on politics which is easy to do on this campus. I know that there was fighting in the North near Tripoli this weekend but that is all I know. The head of security spoke to us this morning and encouraged us to call him if we are traveling anywhere and want to know what the situation is like.

So that you have a sense of where I staying, these are views from my dorm.

After a nap yesterday, I went in search of AUB beach. It was closed and so I took a short walk along the sea. The photos below are of the entrance to the beach and along the Avenue de Paris.

I haven't given you a very accurate perspective of the campus. I'll try to do that in my next post. The greenness of it doesn't come through in these photos.

Until next time!!!

Peace,

GBG

Why I'm Voting Republican

2008-06-20T08:23:00.000-07:00

I'm loving this.
Are you registered to vote?

Just to make sure you know: I am not voting Republican.

What I Do Before Traveling

2008-06-18T21:52:00.000-07:00

I have been making a point to see all of my friends before I leave. If I can't see them, I am giving them a phone call. As I am an introvert who can go months without seeing some of my friends, I am not sure why I am doing this. Now that I am traveling, I am feeling the need to contact all of my friends. I am only leaving for two months. It has been much longer than that since I have seen or spoken to some of my friends. I hope that this isn't a premonition. I may be traveling to the "Middle East," but that doesn't mean that I am not coming back home. I have come to like where I live. I want to come back and do some more nesting. Perhaps this is what happens when you start being a part of a community. You want to check in with people, to be reminded of your connection, to ground you. This is what I am coming home to. I am taking a break but I have roots, community.

More on Values

2008-06-16T22:41:00.000-07:00

I am still doing alot of thinking about values. In graduate school, I read Reamer's Social Work Values and Ethics. I pulled it back off the shelf but haven't started it. I wasn't all that challenged by my values and ethics class in school. I was challenged last week.

I remember a scenario in graduate school in which a social worker worked at a health care facility where the workers went on strike. The dilemna was whether or not the social worker should cross the picket line to ensure that the clients were cared for. I don't remember details of the strike but I think the workers were requesting a living wage. There was no question in my mind. You strike because in the long run, living wages for the staff would translate into better care for the clients.

So last week when I had a difficult decision to make, I struggled. I went with the majority opinion which was what my gut was telling me all along.

I have finally come up with why my decision makes sense. While I believe in inclusivity, I cannot support someone who is exclusive and who can use the power given to her/him to exclude others. In the long run, my exclusivity will insure inclusivity. In some ways, this values problem is very similar to whether or not to cross a picket line. The short term may make one lean one way, but a long term perspective changes everything.

The posted photos are from our community's PRIDE celebrations this past weekend. It has been getting bigger and bigger ever year. Days like this, I am very aware of how some try to exclude. This is the first year that I have attended where there have not been protesters. We're standing up to exclusionary perspectives and the world is growing more overtly supportive.

Values

2008-06-13T21:43:00.000-07:00

Progressives have too many issues to count; while conservatives have two: gays and abortion.

Someone whom I greatly respect said this to me the other day. I would add immigration and war to the list, but I pretty much agree.

I've been thinking about the way progressives think compared to conservatives. If you haven't read it, I recommend that you read George Lakoff's Don't Think of an Elephant! I read it a few years ago and as time goes by, it makes more and more sense.

I try so hard to embrace all perspectives and to acknowledge people's values. I don't ask that people accept homosexuality into their value system, that they embrace abortion, or sex before marriage. But I do ask for tolerance and the acceptance that others are going to have values that are different than someone else's. What I have found is that tolerance and the acceptance of alternative perspectives and values is not an option with conservatives. Basically, they want to impose their values on everyone else. It's the patriarchal system that Lakoff talks about.

I want to be inclusive and recognize their values but then they will not recognize mine. It is so draining. Some days I wish I could stop being such a "wanting to hear all sides liberal" and just staunchly support my side. But my side is inclusivity and the Escheresque image moves deeper and deeper...

Nopal

2008-06-12T07:54:00.000-07:00

This is for my fubolero guerillero friend from South Texas. Nopal in the town where I grew up in Lebanon. I'll be there in less than two weeks. So much to do. Finishing up projects at work, trying to see all of my friends before leaving. Travel always makes me appreciate my life and my loved ones. Everything becomes fresh as it does after rainfall.

Palouse Falls

2008-06-07T18:39:00.000-07:00

We had originally planned to go camping by a lake, bringing kayaks along. But, we found out that it was supposed to rain this weekend. And so, we jumped in the car and went off to see an Eastern Washington treasure, Palouse Falls. After driving through a bit of rain, it cleared up when we arrived and stayed that way for the remainder of our time there.

What a wonderful day, the landscape and the company both. Friends are the best.

Endings and Beginnings

2008-06-04T22:35:00.000-07:00

Utah Phillips left us this past week. Since I heard the news, I have pulled out Fellow Workers and have been listening to it repeatedly. I tend to do that. "The Most Dangerous Woman," about Mother Jones, is a personal favorite. "The most dangerous woman,... 83 years old,..." in Ani's unique twang. And Utah says, "She wasn't an organizer, she was an agitator."

We need to remember the stories of those that fought for us to have rights. We can't even take the eight hour day for granted. Utah would remind us of this. Collaborations such as Fellow Workers with Ani will hopefully help ensure that the struggles that others have endured for us will not only be remembered, but also remind us that there are other rights that we need to stand up for.

Summer posted an article by Amy Goodman about Utah. Two quotes struck me:

After spending time postwar Korea, Utah said, "It all has to change. And the change has to begin with me."

And he remembers Ammon Hennacy saying, "You’re going to have to lay down the weapons of privilege and go into the world completely disarmed."

I just watched a BBC Documentary about Jean-Paul Sartre that At the Moment posted which is also influencing me. We need to make sure that we are engaged because we do create our world at least to some extent.

I drove one of the teens I work with home today and played "The Most Dangerous Woman" on the way. He was polite and listened. I am not sure what he really thought of it. I know that he is a thoughtful young man and at least filed it away in respectful acknowlegement. On the drive, he also told me that he was doing a short report on Lebanon. He hadn't realized that I grew up there. He just thought it sounded like a place he wanted to learn more about.

Connections. This is where it begins.

Wow

2008-05-31T15:32:00.000-07:00

I found a new poet, Andrea Gibson; thanks to mlc and awakenings. I went all out today and ordered her book, "Pole Dancing to Gospel Hymns."

A Political Act

2008-05-31T08:04:00.000-07:00

Our state Republican convention is in town. E. and I took a walk along the river amidst red, white, and blue signs for Ron Paul, McCain, and Dino Rossi. The Ron Paul signs were the most prevalent. Delegates were having a get together in the park. Our rights as women and as queer folk are unimportant to these three candidates and their supporters. We boldly walked through the crowds holding hands and with our heads up high.

Here we are.
Take a look.
We exist.

Today

2008-05-28T16:46:00.000-07:00

Today was one of those days that I will always remember. The kind of day that makes you appreciate Master's exams and thesis defenses; because they prepare you for days like today. I feel like I am getting the chance to give something to the youth of my community, something that will help ensure that they have as many tools as possible for their adult lives. I don't like to be specific about my work so that is all that I will say. I just want to share in the thank yous. Because my readers must have also sent good energy out there. I know you did. I thank you and the kids do too.

Images this Weekend

2008-05-25T16:48:00.000-07:00

This has been a wonderful weekend. Even somewhat productive. I started on the couch reading Dave Eggers' How We are Hungry. I am enjoying his writing. That is all I will say for now. Also read a worthwhile piece about the global food crisis thanks to Land and People, a daily read.

When I decided that I was doing too much reading and too little creating, I went on a walk and ended up sitting down at a coffee shop right up the hill. After doing some of my reflective assignments in Carol Lloyd's Creating a Life Worth Living on what has inspired me in my life, I started down the staircase home.

Saturated bright color has always inspired me, and today I remembered to bring my camera. My feet made an empty short metallic sound as they met the stairs.

Organic forms

Curled lines of new

A staircase into absence,

the number 12.

A lazy day wouldn't be complete without Tiger at the door, but not coming inside.

2008-05-25T08:07:00.000-07:00

This is a good summary.
Inside Story- Lebanon Agreement 21 May 08- Part 1
Inside Story- Lebanon Agreement 21 May 08- Part 2

Exhaustion

2008-05-24T10:48:00.000-07:00

This has been a long week. I've been working on something pretty exciting for the past few months at work and some days I worry that it is too good to be true. We are working on finishing it up this week and I was having trouble sleeping. I gave a presentation where I was a bit more scattered than usual. After, I ran into a few kindred spirit colleagues that I hadn't seen in awhile and as I started summarizing all that I had been up to, I realized when I ended my report with, "And, there has been serious shooting in Lebanon. Now I think it has calmed down and I can go," that the situation in Lebanon had been stressing me out as well. I had thought that I was maintaining distance from Lebanon and the rest of my life. But how possible is that really?

Yesterday, my boss told me I had bags under my eyes that were becoming increasingly deep and sent me home. I slept all afternoon.

When I got up, E. and I took a walk. Because amidst everything, our river is nearly out of control. The snow is melting and the river is raging and rising up onto its banks. Usually, the idea of jumping or kayaking in it doesn't scare me. But it does now. The water is moving so swiftly and with such power. It is awe inspiring and a bit frightening. It has reached some of my neighbors' yards and foundations. Hopefully it will not rise much more.

Real Compromise

2008-05-20T22:35:00.000-07:00

Today was a long work day. It was one of those days where I had the opportunity to try and connect with people whose views are very different from my own. I filled myself with empathy and tried to understand. I sent out love and compassion. Common ground may have been reached with some. With others, I was probably still the devil. It was exasperating and exhilarating at the same time. It is easy to become blinded in our opinion. I have done it as well. Is there a benefit to compromise?

I was asking myself this question when I came home and checked my internet sources for a Lebanon update. An agreement between the various Lebanese entities was reached in Doha. I couldn't believe it. Just yesterday L. sent me an article saying the opposite. Compromise has advantages, namely peace.

Of course, there are limitations. The question of Hezbollah's arms was not addressed. Directing them towards other Lebanese is intolerable, if you ask me. And, of course why does Hezbollah have arms in the first place? To defend themselves against Israel. As long as one group has arms, the others are going to need them too. Hence, Israel's arms need to be brought to the table. You can say I am dreaming. But let's have a real compromise.

Summer and Home

2008-05-18T14:30:00.000-07:00

I know I tend to write alot about how excited I am about my hopefully upcoming trip to Lebanon. But there are elements of summer and home that I am going to miss.

Perspective

2008-05-17T11:14:00.000-07:00

I just read a report released by the International Crisis Group on May 15, Lebanon: Hizbollah's Weapons Turn Inward. I found the report balanced and helpful in putting the pieces of the puzzle together.

Some highlights:

Even though less disciplined Amal loyalists are believed to have committed many of these offences and even if Hizbollah might have sought in some places to prevent them, this thuggish behaviour deeply damaged its reputation. Never before had it appeared so clearly as a Shiite militia rather than a resistance movement capable at times of transcending Lebanon’s divides (Page 5).

The answer, in other words, is a settlement that postpones the ultimate disposition of Hizbollah’s weapons while strictly defining and regulating the ways in which they can be employed. As Crisis Group earlier suggested, this should entail, inter alia, the following
simultaneous steps:
􀂉 a consensual presidential choice (ie, by a two-thirds parliamentary vote), most likely Michel Suleiman;
􀂉 a national unity government;
􀂉 adoption of a ministerial declaration that accepts the principle of resistance as a transitional phase leading to implementation of a proper national defence strategy, while restricting Hizbollah’s military capabilities to defensive purposes against an eventual foreign attack and clearly barring their domestic use (I bolded this);
􀂉 an agreement among all Lebanese parties to freeze any military build-up and de-escalate the war of words, especially in the media; and
􀂉 a consensual electoral law for the 2009 parliamentary elections based on the smaller district (caza) (Pages 8-9).

And,

Until a broader regional settlement is found – one that deals not only with the Arab-Israeli conflict but also relations between the U.S., Iran, Syria and Saudi Arabia in particular – one cannot hope for much more (I bolded this) (page 9).

New Look

2008-05-14T21:20:00.000-07:00

I was off visiting my mother this past weekend, but tried to keep up on the news in Lebanon as much as I could. One night after reading through some other blog posts, I got so sick of my poppies banner that I found a photo taken when I was hiking during hunting season. The lone trees, the desolate landscape, and the circumstance of that day seemed much more suitable for my blog banner and my mood. Then, my mother came in the room to show me a piece of blue blown glass that she had bought in Lebanon. A small dish to hold pins. I still remember where she bought it, a small stone building on the way to Jbeil where the most beautiful rough glass was blown. I am not even sure if it is still there. The dish had been broken and her friend had glued it back together for her. With all that has been happening in Lebanon this past week, the title seemed fitting.

Two very different blogs have been keeping me up to date on happenings in Lebanon. I thought I'd share:

Land and People
Marxist from Lebanon

Peace For Now

2008-05-11T06:03:00.000-07:00

Things have calmed down for the time being. Prime Minister Siniora asked for a moment of silence for all those that died in the 4-day conflict. I am going to take it a step further. Where does violence take us? This is the perfect example of where violence can take us. And, when violence becomes an option it is hard to turn back. This is what happened in Lebanon this week. Thankfully, the situation is calmer. Temporarily at least. So I propose a moment of silence to reflect on the conflicts that exist in our lives and how we can address them non-violently.
Salaam.

2008-05-08T19:37:00.001-07:00

Does it make any difference if I cry?